The Pool

Yesterday I spent a relaxing time at the Iraqi Olympic Training Pool. This is a pool that Uday Hussein used to train/beat up the Iraqi Swimming Team. It is an odd structure in this part of the world. It is a top quality facility complete with a 10 meter dive platform for the high dive routines. But if you leave the facility, the people of this area live in mud houses with reeds for the roof. What a way to live.

But the water was cool and I was hot. I needed a break from the military stuff, plus I needed to wash my physical training (PT) uniform. They are the shorts and t-shirt I have to wear to and from the bathroom each morning. I usually send them off to the free cleaners a twice a week but, that leaves me either buying another set of PT uniforms so I can wear that pair while the first pair is at the cleaners or just wear them...ewwww dirty. So recently I've been wearing them dirty ewwww. It's mainly dust since everything gets dusty even when I carry my clothes from the free cleaners. By the time I get back to my hooch, there is a layer of dust on my clothes. That drives me crazy. But the pool was a good time to get them wet and dust them off, so why not!! As soon as I got to the pool, I knew I was in trouble though. Because, everyone there is tanned and well.... much younger and well....in shape. Here I am almost 45 years old, wearing PT shorts that are too short for my comfort and these white, almost cast like sticks with shoes on them pointing up to a belly that looks like the Michelin balloon floating above a football stadium. Not a good feeling for me. But of course, at this point what are you gonna do, so I pretend to strut around like you are very comfortable and confident and just walk to the pool and dive in. Well, I guess when you are younger you don't worry about diving into a pool. I found myself at the edge of the pool trying to figure how to get into the pool without making a big splash or causing more attention to myself than I already am with my white chicken legs. So picture me with these white, no let me say blinding white skinned legs and belly, standing at the edge of the pool trying to stick my toe in the water to see if it's too cold only to realize again that this is a dumb idea since it's 120 degree and no matter how cold the water is I have to get in. Mostly because everyone is reaching for their sunglasses to shield their eyes from the reflecting glare of me. Then I try to make a cool guy entrance into the water because I know I can't make a graceful dive into the pool without a big splash. But I feel like I have to make a dive since everyone else is making dives But as I start my dive I learn the momentum of the belly, white as it may be, is not easy to control. The belly actually leads the way and you fall way short of your intended water impact point. Making the belly flop sound that we all love to hear, on someone else. Then of course as you are screaming underwater from the pain you want to keep swimming underwater in another direction so that when you do surface people can't recognize it's you that just did the belly flop. Of course, that doesn't work because you are old and white easily recognizable and you can't hold your breath as long as you would like. So you just swim to the side, confidently get out of the pool and go sit down. I was in the sun for 14 minutes and I felt like I was getting sunburned. So I move to the shadows of the pool area and I notice I'm the only one in the shadow. I stay in this area of the pool for a good 10 minutes before I just get up and strut out like the proud man I want to be. That is that for now.